Full Throttle

Expressions of grief makes people uncomfortable. Because it reminds them that this could be your situation. At any moment you could potentially lose someone you love. People tend to shy away from that because it’s painful. Painful to think that you could be separated from someone you hold dear.  The world seems much harder and colder from this perspective. We don’t want to contemplate our lives without our loved ones in it. As Lady Catherine De Bourgh would say, “Is this to be endured, it shall not be.”

As I struggle to quietly endure my grief I find that I need an outlet. A way to adjust to my “new normal”. I find myself thinking a lot about the things that were said at my Dad’s funeral. When you lay out his life he did amazing things. Many of his friends commented that he was a Full Throttle kind of man. His interests were varied but he excelled at all of them. He loved flying. He loved photography. He loved playing the trumpet.

I needed a way to honor my Dad’s memory. A way to show him that I have learned from his life and his death. I must pursue my passions. No excuses. No holds barred. Just go for the jugular. (metaphorically of course) To live my life Full Throttle.

Full Throttle For Bad Dad

Mutt & Jeff

The plane with no door


We Lived!

Perhaps jumping out of a plane at 10,000 feet is an extreme way to express my grief. But it’s something I’ve always wanted to try. So I kicked my fear to the curb and I jumped. It was beautiful and surprisingly quiet. Afterwards my instructor said, I’m sure your Dad would be proud of you TK.

I did it for you Dad.  I did it for me. I wish I had the guts to do this before. You gave me that push. That drive. That unbendable will to conquer all. I’m too much like you to let my life go by placidly. I’m keeping my chin up.

I love you…


9 thoughts on “Full Throttle

  1. Way to go Tobi! You and Jennifer Rock. As the days go on you will realize that the important things in your life is what will make you the happiest. Your Dad loved you and he loved the gospel and he loved life. These are the most important things now for you. I know that you already know this, but sometimes it is good to remember those we love by just being a better person. I know it has helped me since my folks passed away. I want to make sure that my stewardships are taken care of. All my love you to and the family. Mary

  2. You are nuts, but if it made you feel better it’s alright. Your dad lived full throttle and I agree with Mary living right is the best way we express our love and respect for those who passed.
    I enjoyed this post but I have to say as your mother ….

  3. Wisely said Preacher : ) I think what I really take from this is, is to not shy from making people uncomfortable…myself included. We NEED to be reminded that this could be us; because it shouldn’t be just in select moments that we remember to really LIVE OUR LIVES. I’m glad you found an outlet for your grief that gave you a chance to experience something amazing too!

  4. As I think of how I felt during the free fall, I think of your dad watching us and protecting us that that crazy morning. I also remember the feeling of peace, even though I was falling at unbearable speed through the sky! I would have never done this with any one but you (forced or not).
    Love you TK!

  5. That is such a fitting and beautiful tribute. It’s awesome that your dad continues to inspire you; I hope my daughter will be able to do the same.

  6. How on earth did I miss this? You totally rock!!! What a sweet little tribute to your dad. I love everything about this post.

    PS-Matt and I are planning on going sky diving next month, so I’m glad to hear that you liked it!

  7. Pingback: Stealthy Mommy Mode | Picture Me This

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