Expressions of grief makes people uncomfortable. Because it reminds them that this could be your situation. At any moment you could potentially lose someone you love. People tend to shy away from that because it’s painful. Painful to think that you could be separated from someone you hold dear. The world seems much harder and colder from this perspective. We don’t want to contemplate our lives without our loved ones in it. As Lady Catherine De Bourgh would say, “Is this to be endured, it shall not be.”
As I struggle to quietly endure my grief I find that I need an outlet. A way to adjust to my “new normal”. I find myself thinking a lot about the things that were said at my Dad’s funeral. When you lay out his life he did amazing things. Many of his friends commented that he was a Full Throttle kind of man. His interests were varied but he excelled at all of them. He loved flying. He loved photography. He loved playing the trumpet.
I needed a way to honor my Dad’s memory. A way to show him that I have learned from his life and his death. I must pursue my passions. No excuses. No holds barred. Just go for the jugular. (metaphorically of course) To live my life Full Throttle.
Perhaps jumping out of a plane at 10,000 feet is an extreme way to express my grief. But it’s something I’ve always wanted to try. So I kicked my fear to the curb and I jumped. It was beautiful and surprisingly quiet. Afterwards my instructor said, I’m sure your Dad would be proud of you TK.
I did it for you Dad. I did it for me. I wish I had the guts to do this before. You gave me that push. That drive. That unbendable will to conquer all. I’m too much like you to let my life go by placidly. I’m keeping my chin up.
I love you…