Man’s search for happiness

Happiness is something that doesn’t come easy to me. Call me a glass is half empty, pessimistic kinda gal. I see the worst in every scenario. Despite all this I can clearly see my pattern of behavior. I take out my unhappiness on my loved ones. I am not unaware of the damage I cause. I understand what I’m doing is completely self destructive. I continue my bad habits knowing I’m going to get the same unhappy results.

Recently at a family event I listened to myself whine about traffic and the long drive. I realized this is who I’ve become. I’ve turned into a ungrateful- self indulgent-everyone is out to get me- unhappy person. A person who can’t see beyond their own problems. The universe is so unfair and everyone feel sorry for me.

I have no great accomplishments. I simply have a list of faults and problems that I willingly pass around so everyone will feel bad for poor pitiful me.

I want everyone to feel as horrible as I do.

I. am. my. own. worst. nightmare.

I am everything I never wanted to be.

So TK you are officially on your final warning. Buck up. Get your act together. Be grateful and humble. Increased gratitude will directly increase your happiness. Have hope and faith that things will work out. Be kind to others and especially your loved ones. Exercise  your inner demons to the point of expulsion. Find out why you think you don’t deserve to be happy and banish that reason to the depths of a never ending abyss. Confront your problems head on instead of wallowing. Deal lady.

And most importantly….

Be happy.

17 thoughts on “Man’s search for happiness

  1. I’m sure that more than half of the world’s population are is half cup empty type personalities. Have you noticed that those half cup full folks never say I want to change and be a half cup empty type?

    Ah Tobi, this was wrenching to read. Recognizing and acknowledging our short comings is the first step to change. Sometimes when we can’t move forward on our own we need more help than what our family and friends are willing to give us. Family and friends are wonderful but they are biased and cannot often see or judge a course of action clearly.

    I pray for you every day, I want you to be happy and enjoy the great things you have in your life. If you can’t do it on your own, GET HELP. And you do have accomplishments, you just don’t see them.

  2. Ditto to what The Queen Vee said. You have amazing potential. Celebrate the little accomplishments along the journey, and don’t forget your two greatest accomplishments–Cora and Alec! (love the picture, btw). We love you!

  3. TK . . .
    As I read this post, this phrase kept creeping back into my mind: “men {and women} are that they might have joy”.

    It is whar I desire for my children. It is what I desire for my spouse. It is what I desire for those I love and therefore, it is what I desire for you. You know it is also what He desires for you. So now you determine what it is that can help you find that joy and then let others help you acheive it.

    The funny thing about your post is that nowhere do you mention or acknowledge the happiness you give to others. So I’m here to acknowledge it. Your comments on my blog always put a smile on my face, often make me giggle out loud and usually leave me saying, “That Tobi is awesome!” You give joy. Now go get some.

  4. I ditto what these three wonderful ladies have already said.

    You have many great accomplishments, your greatest is and always will be your sweet kiddos. Another couple that stand out to me is the trials you have overcome in your life and the friendships you have created . You deserve to be as happy as anybody else does, and I know with time you will know exactly what needs to be done to accomplish that.

    Hey, you have one less counseling session now that you know what the issue is. LOL : ) That is half the battle!

  5. I used to feel the opposite of you. Happiness came easily for me and I was so profoundly grateful for my life.

    Then life started to suck.
    And then it sucked even harder.
    Soon people were saying things to me like, “You haven’t been your happy cheerful self, are you OK?”
    Wow, am I that transparent?

    I’ve begun to see that verse Sam mentions above as a commandment instead of a proclamation, and that helps me. I choose to be happy despite my circumstances. Some days are easier than others, but I’m making a conscientious choice and there’s a lot of power in that. I, too, believe that gratitude is the key to happiness and satisfaction in life.

    Fight the good fight, Tobi! You have more than a few fans out there that would take offense at this statement: “I have no great accomplishments. I simply have a list of faults and problems that I willingly pass around so everyone will feel bad for poor pitiful me.” I think most everyone feels that way about themselves at some point. Changing who you are is so incredibly difficult, but be kind, forgiving, and patient with yourself. Pray to see yourself (and others) as God sees you. That’s what I’ve been trying to do, and while it’s so much easier to preach this than practice it, I truly have faith that if I keep trying, pondering over it and praying for it, someday I’ll have that kind of charity.

  6. Sometimes when life gets you down, it’s hard not to look at the glass as half empty. You just have to remember to keep the faith. You know? I married a guy whose cup is half full, we balance each other out.

  7. Tobi, I know you hurt right now, and your world has a hole in it where your father was. I know you have a bigger hole where Joel was. God never gives you something you can not handle … eventually. Give yourself time to adjust to the holes. Relax, breathe, remember it took you a lifetime to learn to love. It may take you some time to learn to let go. And by the way here are you skilz:
    You can cook really well
    You have an iron will
    Your house is well-kept and very fashionably decorated and tasteful
    You children have been trained well (against all odds)
    You still have your beauty and figure.
    You are sweet when you want to be.
    Camera genius; web it person genius; technological guru.
    Extremely good to your mother
    Honest
    Loving
    Brave (except around spiders)
    And funny!
    I love you

  8. This was an incredibly poignant post. I too take out my frustrations on my family – they deserve better. And so do I. Hate to get all Hallmark-y here, but happiness isn’t something you find, but something you build. That last pic of you and the kids? Looks like you’ve got a good foundation on which to build.

  9. This was an inspiring post. You amaze me. You remind me of Nephi in 2nd Nephi chapter 4 (16-35). You will rise up out of it all. Endure, Endure, Endure. TAKE CARE – LOVE LOVE LOVE that photo!

  10. I see two great accomplishments in that last picture, dear! Seriously. You are such an amazing mom who is raising the most adorable little kids, and you’re a great friend to boot! Life just sort of sucks sometimes, and I can’t imagine how rough it must be for you right now. But you’re so right–it’s so much easier to handle when we’re happy!

    I had a sort of epiphany awhile back: I was having a hard time with the non-existent job situation and nothing to do and no one to do it with, and I was telling a good friend all about it and how I really believed it would get better but it just stunk at the moment. She listened and then told me to be positive, which kind of frustrated me. Hello, I WAS being positive! I totally thought things would get better and end up great! And then I realized, I need to be positive about every little day, not just the big picture. I needed to wake up in the morning and, even though I didn’t have anywhere to go or anyone to see, put a smile on my face and choose to be productive and positive in that day. That realization helped so much!

    I love the little aha moments in our lives, and good for you for having one now! For what it’s worth, I think you’re doing great 🙂

  11. Tobi-
    I was just catching up on your blog and I’m so sorry to hear about your dad.
    I relate only too well to this post too. I sometimes focus too much on the negative, but you did just go through a huge loss too. Give yourself a break and look at all the beautiful images you’ve captured–you are amazing!

  12. This is probably the most precious post I’ve read today. Being self-disclosing and candid makes you a breath of fresh air. We’re women, we all fit this description at one time or another. Love you!

  13. I’d like to feature this post on my blog, but can’t find contact information, so using a comment box (sorry!!) Would you mind if I did? The title will be “Introspection”

  14. I used to consider myself a “glass half full” person. Then I slipped to “realist”. Now I find myself in a position similar to yours. It has taken it’s tole in my daily life and I too am striving to regain my footing. When I feel myself sinking, the hubs reminds me that every day is a new day, that I don’t have to hold on to what did or didn’t happen yesterday or last week. It’s such a huge and difficult step to even recognize the lower level of thinking we have gotten to!!!! And once you recognize it, the next huge and dificult step is to allow yourself to let it go. I find myself in this pattern of recognize, choosing to look at things differnently, and then slipping back. Then the reminder comes…each day is a new day. And I’m not the first to say this, being a mother, and not just a mother but a good mother, is a huge accopmlishment. You can build on that anytime you want to ; )

  15. Sorry, I was babysitting your kiddies and got behind on my internet stuff. Of course you have talents! Your momma didn’t raise no fools. (Well, your brother almost counts.) Anyway as I was saying, I have NO cooking skilz and you survived and learned on your own. We set a record for poor when you were growing up, and you survived. You never had a ride or a dime to do extra curricular stuff, and you managed a lot of stuff. (With a nod to Carrie Jo’s mom). You always think of others and have given me many a wonderful day! Just cause you’re going through a bad patch.. don’t give up honey! By the way, getting your old mother to blog and text is quite the accomplishment.

  16. See what had happened was… I did leave a comment in my Ambienadiditty and then I felt guilty cause I was on BD’s profile when I left the first comment, and did not know it was me until I recounted this blog to BD and she said she did not comment on your blog.
    Only one mis-spelled word too. With no memory of doing it! So uh thats really scarey. Basically, just look at the time for crying out loud.
    Lame apology for commenting in someone elses name.

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